Can a Single Guy Run a Conference for Families?
It's unconventional, but here's what I learned.
How did we get here?
This last weekend I put on a conference for families. Yeah, I know it's unconventional, but it's been on my heart to make a difference in this generation. It doesn't make any sense that I would have anything of value to share with people who are married and living that life. I'm just a single guy, unmarried, and without any kids.
Why would anyone listen to a guy like me?
Great question! I asked myself the same thing.
I also asked myself a similar question last year when about 10 different couples reached out to me because they were going through marriage issues. Why are these people who are married reaching out to me? What do I have to offer these people?
My married friends were going through a lot of troubles. Not to air their life stories on here, but a lot of the things that were happening were not fun. They weren't going through things that anyone would want to go through. Who wants or expects to have such trouble when you enter into this covenant in such blissful love?
When we chatted about their lives, the only thing I could really offer my friends was Jesus, prayer, and a listening ear. I did my best to be there for them, but there were things that I needed to get some training on, so I ended up talking with a trauma coach who has more training than me on how to help my friends. It was really instructional, and I think I gained some good skills on how to help my friends in the future. I've also gained a good resource on where to send people to get help.
A Broken People
Yet, that's only one part of the journey to starting this conference. There was a bigger problem than these individual stories that were taking place. In no ways am I diminishing their stories, but there is something even larger at play that has been taking place.
There has been a breakdown in families which has led to a breakdown in every other area of life. The reason for this breakdown is simply that we're not spending enough time with Jesus, which results in His life not fully permeating every aspect of our lives.
Not spending time with Jesus has led to a broken generation of people. Many people are facing significant issues, and if nothing changes, an entire generation may grow up not knowing the Lord or His ways. They will grow up rejecting the Lord and His good for their lives. They will turn to idols that leave them broken and wells that are empty, leaving them thirsty for living water to quench their thirst.
Broken people have been fed lies about their identity, happiness, life, future, and past. So many people have been dedicating their time into things that don't have an eternal return on their investment. People know there is something wrong, but they don't know how to fix it.
The Outcomes
Sometimes it's hard to see far down the road in life. It's hard to see what will happen when we put our time and effort into something. Will it give us a return? Will it produce the outcomes we really want to see? If I plant this tree, will it grow fruit?
One additional problem we've run into these days is that many people are afraid to look at the truth. Being afraid to look at the truth causes people to not speak the truth, because they don't know the truth. In not knowing the truth, we all end up being thrust into a journey no one wanted to go on. We end up in battles no one expected. We end up not being able to say certain things because we could hurt people's feelings, or we could be wrong. If we're wrong, and we hurt someone's feelings, then we end up being wrong on multiple fronts.
Knowing the truth but not speaking it with love can hinder others from finding freedom and create chains that keep us from it too.
We shall know the truth, and the truth shall set us free. However, if we refuse to align our lives with the truth, then the outcome is most assuredly unwanted. Trying to spare people's feelings, we ironically watched them lead themselves to destruction.
We didn't look far enough down the road to see where our actions would take us. We didn't want to see it, so we chose not to see it. We chose not to save even though we could have taken the opportunity.
So what can I do?
For me, it was deciding that I wasn't going to just sit back and not do anything anymore.
For me, it was deciding to take responsibility for the time I've been placed on this earth to make a difference.
For me, it was deciding that the only way to help people would be to train up and disciple them into the Truth and doing it in love.
For me, it was deciding to walk in the ways of Jesus and bring His ways to people who haven't yet seen Him.
This all led me to setting up a conference for families. It was the first one I've done like this where I was putting on the whole thing and also speaking for it too. I spent probably 6 weeks preparing, creating the event, gathering supplies, and creating the pathways or sessions. It was pretty intense. It wasn't like I was starting everything from scratch. Many of the things I wanted to communicate were things the Lord had already been teaching me the last number of years. Still, I had no idea how much effort and energy it would take to put this whole thing together.
Maybe I should cancel?
After all that preparation, several people informed me they wouldn't be able to attend or could only come for certain parts. I was suddenly overcome with grief. I started to ask myself a lot of questions.
Was this worth it?
Did I waste my time on this?
Should I not have done this?
Who is going to really listen to a single guy talking about families?
Maybe I should cancel and figure out a different way to do this?
Maybe I just shouldn't do it at all?
Prayer
After the gamut of thoughts ran through my head, I picked up my shield to fend off all of those fiery darts. I got down on my knees, and I called out to the Lord for wisdom and direction.
Father, what should I do? What do you want me to do? What are you doing? I only want to do what I see you doing.
And then I waited.
Very quickly, I heard the Lord encourage me to continue on. Press forward one more time. Create a live stream and invite people one more time. It's an example of what He did with the invitation to the wedding feast.
So I got on a Facebook live and gave a whole rundown of the first session. I talked about some of the problems we are facing today, and how I think this will help us get to a place that can help. I walked through the 9 pathways I had prepared to walk people through, and pathways are just another word for sessions. I wanted people to get a better idea of what they could expect. I finished with inviting the people to come join, and then I signed off.
Now all I could do was wait, prepare, and be faithful to the people who were coming.
A Reversal
Soon after that, a few additional people reached out saying they were coming. All was not lost. All the effort wasn't going to come to nothing. So I continued to prepare. There were still a number of things I had to do to make sure everything was going to be ready for Friday.
A couple of friends even reached out to help with some things, and that was so awesome! I was encouraged!
The First Night
The day of the conference had finally arrived, and I had everything prepared as much as I could. The house was cleaned. The food was laid out. The materials were printed. There were notebooks and pens. I was ready.
My friend who was going to help with taking care of the kitchen arrived, so I could focus on any last minute details and questions. It was so great to have him there to help take care of those things. I have some other friends who are also amazing hosts, and I just want to give a quick shoutout to all the hosts out there. If you're a host, thank you! The world is a better place because all of you people exist and create places for people to come and be welcomed in.
Soon everyone who said they were going to come arrived for the first session. I think we had the perfect amount of people for the space I've got available in my living room. We gathered into a circle, did the whole introduce yourself to everyone thing, and then pressed right into the first session.
I started by walking everyone through the vision that I had for this conference. The why are we here, and what is this all about speech?
The gist is centered around the story of Joshua when he crossed the Jordan on dry ground with Israel in Joshua 4. It's a beautiful story where God tells the people to place 12 stones in the water and 12 stones in Gilgal. The stones were supposed to signify what God did to deliver His people and to allow the parents to pass down the stories of God, so the children would grow up to glorify the Lord.
However, that's not what happened. When we get to Judges 2, Joshua and all of that generation pass away. The next generation grew up not knowing the Lord or His ways.
What happened?
They didn't have their own stories with God. Their parents might have had stories way back in the day, and then their parents way back in the day before them. However, this generation grew up not having their own stories. They neither knew the Lord nor His ways, and this shouldn't be.
Stories
I think the fascinating thing is that many people don't have their own stories with the Lord. Many people are living their Christian life vicariously through others. The pastor reads the Bible for them, and the pastor tells them what it says. The worship leader does the worship while we stand there. The missions guy does the evangelism while we cheer him on from the side. The children and youth pastors teach our kids while we hope they learn about Jesus. We subcontract our walk with Jesus out to others hoping to get the same results, but we've missed that God wants us to have our own stories with Him.
God wants us to have our own relationship with Him. God wants us to be so connected to Him and allow Him to live through us that He even says we are one with Him. However, we just haven't known what it means to be one with Him. We haven't always had examples of people who are walking out the Christian life like Jesus. One of the biggest complaints anyone ever hears about Christianity is the Christians. But God has better for us. God wants us to have our own stories with Him. Everyone is waiting for people who actually look like Jesus. I see a generation of people rising up who look like Jesus and have parents and kids who look like Jesus.
And that is what this entire conference is about. It's about helping families begin to have their own stories with Jesus. It's about helping fathers learn how to lead their family to Jesus well. It's about parents coming into a place where they know Jesus so well that the life of Christ permeates from every aspect of their lives. So now when the kids are growing up they say, "My mom and dad know Jesus. They didn't just go to church on Sunday. I could see Jesus in every aspect of their lives. They showed me how to have my own story with Jesus too. They discipled me to be a follower of Jesus, and I know Jesus is real because I've met Him. My relationship with Jesus is my own now."
This is how we move from being a people who don't know the Lord or His ways to becoming a people who know the Lord and His ways. It starts with spending time with Jesus and helping people see how that actually happens. There is a difference between just telling someone to spend time with Jesus and actually showing how that happens. The showing and the examples make all the difference.
Jesus wants to spend time with us even more than we want to spend with Him. I've got a vision of the generations following Jesus and seeing His face and walking in His ways. It was exciting to share that and the pathways with the people this past weekend. I'm excited about what comes next, but there are a few things before that.
Where do I need to level up?
I definitely discovered some places I could level up in putting on this conference.
Don't forget to have milk, sugar, and creamer for people's coffee. I usually drink it black, so it's not something I think about.
It's hard for a family to give a full day to a conference. Yes, it's important, but dividing it up would have been better. Not everyone was able to stay the whole time because of the length. I've seen other conferences do full day/weekend events, but I might have to build up to that.
Don't give up when you feel the Lord has called you to put something together. Just keep moving forward one step at a time.
Some wins from the conference
The conference actually happened. That's a win if I say so myself.
People actually showed up. Married couples, grandparents, new parents, and even single people came.
Helpful content for families and individuals has been developed and can be improved for future use.
If one person was impacted, it would be worth it.
One family has already reached out to me saying they've implemented one of the things that was taught. So that's a win!
Another guy from the conference said he wanted to ask his church for me to come and speak there. So that's also a win.
What's next?
I need to figure out what the next steps are. Here is what I'm thinking so far:
Do another conference but divide it up by doing one session a week on a weeknight until we're finished. Then rinse, revise, and repeat.
Record everything as a series of YouTube videos. Share all the pathways, so people can start learning some practical steps to spend time with Jesus and walk in His ways.
Write everything out here, so people can have access to it and begin now.
Maybe do all of these?
So I'm going to spend time in prayer asking the Lord.
If you're passionate about your family, and raising up your family to follow Jesus, let me know. Would a conference that helps you and your family to have their own stories with Jesus be something that is interesting to you?
I'm excited to see what comes next in this journey with Jesus. Eyes on Him!